What is psychosexual therapy - and who is it for?
3 key takeaways:
Psychosexual therapy is a type of talking therapy that can help you work through many different sex and relationship issues.
It gives you a safe, welcoming, private space to explore your feelings, identity, and preferences - with no judgement.
You’ll get personalised support to bring more pleasure, authenticity and joy into your intimate connections, using a range of tools and techniques.
Want to know more?
What is psychosexual therapy?
A specialised form of talking therapy, psychosexual therapy is focused on helping you navigate challenges around sex, intimacy, desire and connection.
My clients and I work in the space where their body, heart, mind and sometimes even soul intersect.
In that place, there’s a lot that can come into the conversation. This includes biology, psychology, race, religion, spirituality, culture, sexuality, gender, identity, sexual preferences, neurology, physical ability, trauma, health and well-being, upbringing, social and political influences… These are all factors that influence how we think about, and experience, sex and relationships.
That means psychosexual therapy covers a wide range of issues. These include:
· Sexual dysfunctions – for example problems with erections, premature ejaculation, vaginismus, and low libido.
· Relationship conflicts
· Boundaries and consent issues.
· Sexual traumas, such as abuse or injury, that are continuing to affect you sex life and relationships.
· Confusion or questioning around sexual orientation or gender identity.
· Infidelity or cheating.
· Alternative relationship and/or sexual dynamics including BDSM and kink.
· Shame, guilt or fear around sex.
· Body image, performance anxiety and self-confidence issues.
What’s the aim of psychosexual therapy?
Every therapist has their own reasons for doing what they do. We all have our own unique way of working too.
My aim is to help my clients find the happiest, healthiest expression of themselves as sexual beings and in relationship with others.
Why have psychosexual therapy?
There are many reasons why you might see a psychosexual therapist.
If you’re struggling with arousal or desire...
Maybe your partner wants more or less sex than you do and it’s causing problems. Or perhaps you’re struggling with a libido that feels out of control, or one that’s lower than you’d like.
If you feel pain during sex, you’re having trouble getting an erection, or you don’t orgasm...
I’m not a doctor, but I can support you with the emotional impact of sexual dysfunction and give you some exercises that can really help. But I’d always work hand-in-hand with your GP to make sure there are no other medical issues that could be causing the problem.
For example, erectile issues can be sign of diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. They can also be caused by some medications or surgical procedures.
Meanwhile, vaginal pain can result, directly or indirectly, from hormonal changes as well as the psychological impact of sexual, physical or emotional trauma.
If you’re healing from trauma…
If past sexual abuse or trauma is affecting your ability to feel safe or connected, psychosexual therapy offers you a compassionate space to process your experiences and rebuilt trust – in yourself and others.
If you’re navigating challenges around gender identity, sexual orientation or sexual preferences…
Existing outside the traditional gender binary and wanting something different from ‘the opposite sex’ or monogamy can make the natural desire for intimacy and togetherness a source of guilt or shame.
Not everyone wants ‘vanilla’ sex either – but if you want to explore the alternatives, where do you start?
Psychosexual therapy offers a compassionate, non-judgemental, confidential space to explore what brings you joy.
If you want to resolve relationship conflicts…
Mismatched expectations around sex can create relationship stress, but that’s just one of the challenges created when communication breaks down.
Time with a psychosexual therapist can help you and your partner(s) understand each other’s needs and communicate openly and honestly.
If you have a fear of intimacy or closeness…
The need to belong is hard-wired into us humans, but sometimes it’s not so easy to accept the love, intimacy and connection on offer. Particularly if the past has shown you that it’s not safe to let your guard down.
Psychosexual therapy can help you establish the self-confidence and boundaries you need to build stronger relationships without losing yourself, feeling out of control or putting yourself at risk.
If you’ve got performance anxiety - or you just don’t know what you want…
Porn, social media, TV and film… they all contribute to the image of what sex and relationships ‘should’ look like. And, often, that’s got very little to do with ‘real life’.
There’s so much we’re not taught about how our bodies work, what ‘normal’ is (spoiler alert: there’s no such thing) and what being a good lover really means.
Psychosexual therapy gives you a better understanding of your body. It also helps you focus on what you want and need from your intimate relationships.
How does psychosexual therapy work?
I’ll always adapt my approach to meet your specific needs, but there are four golden rules that consistently apply.
You’ll find a safe, confidential space
Talking about sex and other intimate subjects isn’t easy! You need to know that you’ll be listened to without judgement.
The only reasons for breaking confidentiality are if I feel you’re a risk to yourself or someone else, or you’re breaking the law. And I’d generally talk to you about it first.
This is talking – not touching – therapy
There’s no removal of clothing or intimate touching during your sessions, either between you and me or you and a partner. I might suggest exercises for you to do on your own or with others at home, but based on my professional and ethical boundaries, psychosexual therapy remains a clothes-on experience.
Given the subject matter, you might find yourself getting turned on. If it happens (and it also may not), that’s your body doing its thing and completely natural. But like other professional spaces, the therapy room isn’t a space to look for a turn on or act on it.
You may need to dig deep
Sexual issues often have emotional or relational roots. For example, I believe that the way we’re brought up shapes the way we establish and maintain relationships in later life. The past can – and often does - inform the present.
Stress, anxiety and unresolved conflicts can also impact on your sex life, both physically and emotionally. Psychosexual therapy helps you peel away the layers and find the reasons why.
I take a personalised approach
You’re unique and so are your relationships. That means the approach I take will draw on many different strands of my learning, knowledge and experience. It’s based on what I felt is most appropriate for you.It might include psychotherapy, mindfulness techniques, communication tools, intimacy-building touch-based exercises, sex education, journalling, NLP, somatic exercises, and a host of other possibilities. What they all have in common is the aim of helping you get what you need from our sessions.
I may also refer you to a GP, a physio, a gynaecologist, or a specialist therapist in another relevant field if I feel that would be helpful.
Can I bring a partner/partners?
You don’t need to be in a relationship to have psychosexual therapy. If you are, it can be invaluable in making your connection more empowering, passionate or authentic, depending what you’re looking for.
Come to sessions together and it can help you:
rekindle intimacy in a long-term relationship.
navigate mismatched desire.
heal after a breach of trust, such as infidelity.
open or close your relationship, or explore new dynamics.
learn how to deal with changes in the other’s body - or your own.
improve your communication skills, stop arguing or get better at saying what you want.
renew your sense of excitement and curiosity about sex.
increase your self-awareness and confidence.
Inclusivity matters
Psychosexual therapy is for everyone, however you identify and whatever your sex and relationships look like.
Psychosexual therapy is a journey towards understanding yourself, your needs and your desired relationships more clearly.
And remember – seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a step towards growth and a big part of self-care.
You deserve to feel safe, fulfilled and free, whatever your own particular sexual and relationship landscape looks like.
If you want to make changes, you can - and psychosexual therapy can help